| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2008|09:09 pm] |
Comment on this entry, and I will:
1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, a word etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ. |
|
|
| Sam |
[Jan. 2nd, 2007|09:07 pm] |
|
I feel like he doesnt love me as much as he use to.......like its all fading away...a little at a time....i canht stop it...i have no control.....all the hugs and kisses are gone...he never says i love you...it alol just gone like nothing matters to him any more what am i suppose tyo do about that am i just suppose to sit here and watch the world pass by or am i suppose to let him go |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2005|09:59 pm] |
~January~
1. Did you have a new year's resolution this year?:nah
2. Who kissed you at midnight?: no one
3. Does it snow where you live?: Yeah
4. Do you like hot chocolate?: Yup
5.Have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop? No
~February~
1. Who was your valentine in 2005?: i had that big thing for maurice then
2. What did your valentine get you?:nuffin
3. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class? : yup
4. Who have you done a project on for Black History Month? noone
5. Do you care if the ground hog sees its shadow or not? no
~March~
1. Are you Irish?: yes
2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day?: yes
3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005?: i marched in the parade with the band
4. Are you happy when Winter is pretty much over? hell yes
~April~
1. Do you like the rain?:yes
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?:yup
3. Do you get tons of candy on easter?: yes
4. Do you celebrate 4-20?:no
~May~
1. What's your favorite kind of flower?:daisies and orchid lillies
2. Do you like the spring?: yes
3. Finish the phrase: April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?:romance
4. What is the first spring color that comes to mind?: yellow
~June~
1. What year did (or are) you graduate from school?: 07
2. Did you go on any vacations last June?: yup....to band camp
3. Did you realize nothing special happens in June?:yes
~July~
1. What did you do on the 4th of July?:nothing
2. Did you go on any vacations during this month?: no
3. Did you Blast the A/C all day?: yup
~August~
1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer?:i moved to illinios
2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05?:maurice's birthday and band camp
3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer?:not really
4. Do you go to the beach a lot?: no
~September~
1. Did you attend school/college in '05?: yes
2. Who is/was your favorite teacher?: mr.hale
3. Do you like fall better than summer?: yes
~October~
1. What was your favorite halloween costume ever?:i dunno
2. what's your favorite candy?: Almond Joys
3. what did you dress up like this year?: i had work
~November~
1. Whose house do you usually go to for thanksgiving?:my grammas
2. Do you love stuffing?: no
3. What are you thankful for?:the people who care about me
~December~
1. Do you celebrate Christmas?: yes
2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?:no
3. What do you want this year for Christmas?: my friends from indy
4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas?: not sure
5. Do you like cold weather?: no
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? had sex
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?no and no
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?yes
4. Did anyone close to you die? yes
5. What countries did you visit?none
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? stable love
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory and why?march 30th....april 18th....july 6th
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? telling my om she was wrong
9. What was your biggest failure?leaving all the people i love because i left
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes
11. UM...i lost it...
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
abigail
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
maurice
14. Where did most of your money go?
clothes
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
finding someone who loved me back.
16. What song reminded you of 2005?let me love you
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
spoke how i felt
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
spend time with maurice...he wasnt worth it
20. How will you be spending Christmas?with my uncle
21. What was your favorite month of 2005?april
22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
twice
23. How many one-night stands?one...but it involved two people other than myself
24. What was your favourite TV program?
family guy
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
maurice
26. What was the best book you read?
memoirs of a geisha
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?cello players are good listeners
28. What did you want and get? a few friends
29. What did you want and not get?i'm not sure
30. What was your favorite film of this year? the amityville horror and napoleon dynamite
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? nothing...i drank alot of tequila and called someone..i turned 17
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? if i hadnt wasted so much time
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?unique
34. What kept you sane?dede
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?blah
36. What political issue stirred you the most?blah
37. Who did you miss?
abby and steph and jesslynn
38. Who was the best new person you met?
dede
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005. you might think you are going to spend your life with someone but it probably wont happen
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"i hate everything about you, so why do i love you"
41. What was unique about 2005?i grew up alot
42. How have you changed in 2005?yeah
43. One word to sum up the year?dramatic
In the past week did you...
*Have sex: yeah
*Make out: yeah
*Sleep with someone: yeah
*Travel: no
*Watch a movie in theaters: no
*Watch a movie at home: yeah
*Take a picture:yeah
*Experience anything big changes in life: no
*Go to church:no
Facts:
*Pet peeves: lint and untied shoes
*shoe size: 7 1/2
*Things you dread: loss and separation
*Things you anticipate: love
*contacts or glasses: contacts
*Eye color: brown
*hair color: red
Current:
*Current location: uncles house...rockford,il
*current annoyance: my family
*current thing to be happy about: goin to see my mom
*current taste in mouth: spit
*current sounds around you:hot shots
*current clothes: jeans and a hoodie
Favorites:
*favorite junk food: salt and vinegar lays potato chips
*favorite fruit:pears and peaches
*favorite drink: red faygo
*favorite holiday: halloween
*favorite football team:tampa bay
*favorite baseball team:yankees
*favorite basketball team: lakers
Will you:
*Get married: yes
*Have kids: yes
*go to/graduate college: yes |
|
|
| Fallen Angels-Ra |
[Jul. 30th, 2005|11:56 am] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| |  lonely | ] |
My eyes don't see the obvious
It's way too far to go
Forget about the rest of me
There's nothing left to know
I see fallen angels
When I try to go to sleep
And they're always watching
I see fallen angels
As I'm walking in the streets
Silently preparing
For what they'll do to me
You see, I'm kinda paranoid
My luck, it seems to have run out
So I will point the finger now
Beyond the shadow of a doubt
I see fallen angels
When I try to go to sleep
And they're always watching
I see fallen angels
As I'm walking in the streets
Silently preparing
For what they'll do to me
I see fallen angels
When I try to go to sleep
And they're always watching
I see fallen angels
As I'm walking in the streets
Silently preparing
I see fallen angels
When I try to go to sleep
(I see fallen angeeeeeels)
And they're always watching
I see fallen angels
As I'm walking in the streets
(I see fallen angeeeeeels)
Silently preparing
For what they'll do to me |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|12:47 pm] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | My Suicide Note Reads |
| | Go gadget-Youngstown | ] |
Childhood Weirdness
Did you spend your childhood time with mostly real or imaginary friends?: real
Did people consider you an odd child?: Yes.
Do you have memories that go back to when you were only a few months old?: No
Do you remember any thoughts you had when you where very young?: Yes.
If you answered "yes," give an example of one of those thoughts: i remember thinking boobs were called "memory glands"
Were your dreams very vivid as a child?: Yes
What is the strangest memory you have from early childhood?: hmmm....i'm not sure
Were you a child prodigy or did you display any gifts at a young age?: Perhaps. i learned to write at age 2....learned to read at 4
What was the most "grown-up" thing you ever said as a child?: Your exuberance astounds me.
What were your favorite TV shows in early childhood: rainbow bright
Were you afraid of monsters?: no...but my mom always told me that if i was a bad kid someone would come and steal me in my sleep...so i was afraid of strangers.
Did you believe that fictional characters were real?: No.
Were you more quiet and artistic or loud and physical?: more quiet and artistic
Do you eat meat?: Yes
If you do, what is your justification for it?: It tastes good.
If you could legalize 3 things in the US, what would they be?: i think everything is okay
Do you believe in the death penalty?: Yes.
If you had a choice, which country would you have chosen to be born into?: Ireland
Describe your feelings about marijuana legalization:i think it should be left the way it is.
What about gay marriage?: whatever the people want.....i believe in happiness
Red, White and Blue is a ghastly color combination, right?: yeah....red is awesome by itself.
What television news coverage do you detest the most?: Fox News.
Which state do you think will drop off into the ocean first?: florida
Who do you consider "American Heroes"?: Stephen King, and Tim Burton.
Completely Obtuse And Silly Questions
Have you ever taken something apart just to see how it worked? Yeah
Do you ever yell at the television while you are alone? i yell at it when people are around too.
Name a few things (if any) that you bought on Ebay recently:
Are the Muppets sinister? muppets are cool.
Do you watch the Science Channel (Discovery) on a regular basis?: Yep.
Ever gotten into an "in person" argument with a total stranger? I don’t think so.
Sugar or Honey?: Sugar.
How many e-mails do you receive a day?: 40
Do you think that time travel is a possibility?: No.
Have you ever had a past life regression?: Sure.
San Francisco or New York City?: New York City.
Are you slightly addicted to online tests and surveys?: yes
Close your eyes and type the first random image that pops into your head: DeAndrew
If you could choose a time period in which to live, which would it be? now is fine
Emotions And Such
Have you attempted suicide more than once?: yup
Cutting?: yes...unfortunately still a problem
Do you get violent when you are angry?: yes.
Which emotion are you most consumed by?:loneliness and love
Are you highly emotive?: yeah
Do you discuss problems or keep them to yourself?: I keep them to myself.
Do you fall in love easily?: not anymore....one person fucked that up very royally for me
What age/year was the most difficult for you?: last year
How do you channel your anger/sadness?: writing and cutting
List a few simple things that make you happy: Music, friends, , waterfalls, stargazing, flip flops, Dede, layin around
When were you most recently your happiest?: april 2005
Friends
Describe your best friend as if you were describing a character from a film: No.
Do you have friends that are drastically different from each other?: yeah
List a few key traits that all of your friends have in common: humor....all my friends are beautiful in they're own way...most of them are musical in some way
Have you ever been betrayed by a close friend?: Yes.
If yes, are you still friends with that person?: yes
Are your friends mostly your age, younger or older?: older and my age
Family
Are you close to your family?: no...to be honest i hate my family and my family hates me
What traits are you glad you inherited from them?: my lips and eyes
Which traits are you pissed off you inherited from them?: eh
What sitcom does your family most remind you of?: the osbournes
Does your family live locally or far away?: locally
Have you ever stopped speaking to someone in your family?: yes...piper
Have either of your parents died?: Nope.
Is your family very much like you or are you opposites?: i'm nothing like my family
How many siblings do you have?: 1 brother,4 sisters
Has your family ever thrown food at each other?: No.
Are the holidays a nightmare or a time of joy?: nightmare
Do you look like your parents?: yes
List one interesting fact about your family:
Lovers
Gay, Straight, Bi-sexual or no idea?: Straight.
Married/partnered?: partnered
Ever gone out with someone you were embarrassed to be seen with?: Yes.
Ever broken someone’s heart?: yes
How many serious relationships have you had?: 2
Do you believe in monogamy?: Yes.
Do you believe in the theory of soulmates?:yes...but you dont always get to keep your soulmate....people change
Ever cheated?: Yes
Been cheated on?: Yes.
Most important emotional qualities of a lover?:love
Would You Rather...
Eat a steak or a whole tube of toothpaste?: Steak.
Be covered in papercuts or cigarette burns?: cuts
Be perceived as intelligent or street-smart (but not both)?: Intelligent
Eat a bottle cap or a spider the size of a bottle cap?: cap
Be ruled exclusively by your heart or your mind?:Heart
Have the power to read minds or make anyone fall in love with you? love
Chew shards of broken glass or sit on a lighted barbecue grill?: grill
Be able to fly or be able to render yourself invisible?: Invisible!
Have questionable integrity or no sense of humor?: Questionable integrity. Humor is one of the most important things in life.
Granted the answers to any 3 questions or ability to resurrect one person?: I'd take the answers.
Final Questions
Ever had a great song ruined for you after it was used in a commercial?: no
Ever yelled at an SUV?: Yes.
A Hummer?: no
If you could turn back time and change one thing, what would it be?: Ever fallin in love with garrett...i'm not saying it was a mistake...it was just painful
Bambi or Nemo?: Nemo
How long have you been on livejounal?: awhile
Do you find it to be a fulfilling experience?: Yep |
|
|
| 78 |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|06:43 am] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | My Suicide Note Reads |
| | always blink 182 | ] |
1.smoked a cigarette - yeah
2.smoked a cigar - nope
3.made out with a member of the same sex -
4.crashed a friend's car - Nope
5.stolen a car - nope
6.been in love - i am right now :)
7.been dumped - yup
8.shoplifted - yup
9.been fired - Never
10.been in a fist fight - yes
11.snuck out of your house - yes
12.had feelings for someone who didnt have them back - frequently
13.been arrested - a couple times
14.made out with a stranger - yeah
15.gone on a blind date - nope
16.lied to a friend - yes
17.had a crush on a teacher - nope
18.skipped school - yes
19.slept with a co-worker - nope
20.seen someone die - yes...unfortunately
21.been on a plane - yes
22.thrown up in a bar - nope
23.taken painkillers - yeah
24.love someone or miss someone right now -yes.. a hell of a lot
25.laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - yup
26.made a snow angel - yup
27.played dress up - yes
28.cheated while playing a game - yeah
29.been lonely - all the damn time
30.fallen asleep at work/school - yup
31.used a fake id - nope
32.felt an earthquake - no.
33.touched a snake - i hate snakes...cept for abby's though...that's one hot snake
34.ran a red light - no
35.been suspended from school - yup
36.had detention - yes
37.been in a car accident - yeah.
38.hated the way you look - all the time
39.witnessed a crime - yea
40.pole danced - not really
41.been lost - yea
42.been to the opposite side of the country - yeah
43.felt like dying - constantly
44.cried yourself to sleep - that is also a constant
45.played cops and robbers - with my sister
46.sang karaoke - yes
47.done something you told yourself you wouldn't - yeah
48.laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose - organge soda burns like hell
49.caught a snowflake on your tongue - *yeah
50.kissed in the rain - yup
51.sing in the shower - hell yea
52.made love in a park - kinda....out in the woods by a waterfall thing....about a mile from school
53.had a dream that you married someone - yea
54. glued your hand to something - yup
55. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - no...but i did get my head stuck inside the freezer
56.worn the opposite sex's clothes - not really
57.been a cheerleader - two years...4 and 5th grade
58. sat on a roof top - yes
59. didn't take a shower for a week - no.
60.ever to scared to watch scary movies alone - yeah
61.played chicken - yeah
62.been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - yeah
63.been told you're hot by a complete stranger - yes
64.broken a bone - several
65.been easily amused - yup
66.laugh so hard you cry - yes
67.mooned/flashed someone - oh....shut up
68.cheated on a test - Yeah.
69.forgotten someone's name - yes
70.slept naked -yeah
71.gone skinny dipping in a pool - no
72.been kicked out of your house - yes
73.blacked out from drinking - yeah
74.played a prank on someone - oh yeah
75.gone to a late night movie - yeah
76.made love to anything not human - ewww...no
77.failed a class - yup
78.choaked on something you're not supposed to eat - yup
79.played an instrument for more than 10 hours - nope
80.cheated on a gf/bf - yeah
81.ate a whole package of oreos - no
82.thrown strange objects - yes
83.felt like killing someone - yup
84.thought about running away -hell yeah
85.ran away -yes
86.did drugs - more than i would like to admit
87.had detention and not attend it - yeah
88.yelled at parents - yea
89.made parent cry - yes
90.cried over someone - Yes
91.owned more than 5 sharpies - yeah
92.dated more than 1 person at once - i really dont wanna answer that
93.have a dog - no
94.have a cat - 4...so yes
95.own an instrument - flute and a bass guitar now
96.been in a band - caustic heart baby....and school band
97.had more than 25 sodas in one day - dont think so
98.broken a cd - yup
99.shot a gun - yeah
100.been on live journal for more than 5 hours - prolly |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2005|09:23 pm] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | My Suicide Note Reads |
| | Scars-Papa Roach | ] |
Okay......i use to write short stories.....they are half autobiographical.....and most of them are romantic or involve cutting....so be careful what you read
She was new there...He happened to be a friendly face. She fell to hard to fast. here it goes.
She hadnt talked to him in a while. She wasnt sure why.maybe he was busy....Maybe it was something else. I didnt matter she still spent hours worrying about it. Passing him in the halls wanting to say something to him so bad that it almost broke her down. And when he did talk to her it was brief just enough for her to want more...For her to lust for him...To want to see him more.
Today was just one of those days she had..where the world bothered her enough to dig for safety pins in the bottom of her bag and bad enough for her to get almost sick when she couldnt find them. She had missed the bus. Gotten to school late. But she saw him in the hall on the way to class anyway...actualy made eye contact for a change. the first few hours went by as they always do...with Mrs.Harris humiliating her third hour. But lunch she dreaded lunch everyday. Because he was there....he always was..but today...She silently stoood up to grab something across the table..he brushed behind her grabbed her around the waste and stayed like that for about five secondsshe felt like she was going to explode from the inside out...he actually leaned in and whispered to her...all the feelings were overwhelming to her so she didnt hear what she said....all she had was feelings his hand an her side his warmth against her back his breath against the right side of her face...and his smell.Oh my god his smell...And just like that he was gone. She felt like she had failed yet again. Because yet again she couldnt find the words to tell him that she needed him and his touch.
Okay....thats enough for tonight...i've probly bored you to death. |
|
|
| Andreas is the shit |
[Feb. 25th, 2005|07:29 pm] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | My Suicide Note Reads |
| | Let me love you-Mario | ] |
now i'm on display, i am becoming.
hurt myself today. it's all for you
do you like, do you like what i'm becoming?
cut myself today, it's all for you. [A.F.I]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel [Papa Roach]
So I update this almost every single day for you
I begin to hate you for your face and not just the things you do
Go tell him how my wrist is sore
(brand new)
Well look who's dying now, slit wrists, sleeping with the girl next door
I always knew you were such a sucker for that
It doesnt matter what you say
You never mattered anyway
I never mattered anyway [underoath]
Cut my wrists and black my eyes
So I can fall asleep tonight or die
Because you kill me
You know you do, you kill me well
You like it too, and I can tell
You never stop until my final breath is gone [hawthorne heights]
Hurting me, the routine scar
New cuts cover where the old ones are
And I'm sick of this
I can't stand the sandpaper thoughts that grate on my sanity [Linkin Park]
i need to stop cutting...i need to cut my stress though....my emotions and fears are way out of hand now.....wow....i could use some help |
|
|
| swiped from abby |
[Feb. 17th, 2005|01:32 pm] |
I AM: Amanda Marie Meredith Crabb
I HAVE: abby and ashley
I WISH: i could have Maurice be mine
I HATE: That i still miss Garrett
I FEAR: Myself
I HEAR: Evanescence
I SEARCH: love
I WONDER:why i love him so much
I REGRET: Loving Garrett
I LOVE: Abby AND Ashley
I ACHE: in my knees
I ALWAYS: think about him
I AM NOT: as innocent as you think i am
I DANCE: when i think you're not looking
I SING: constantly
I CRY: too much over the wrong person
I AM NOT ALWAYS: happy
I WRITE: poetry about losing him
I WIN: nothing
I LOSE: myself in him
I CONFUSE: everyone including myself
I NEED: Daniels formerly good advice, garrett's hugs...m*&#@e's kisses
I SHOULD: try to be more optimistic
-----------------------------
YES or NO:
YOU KEEP A DIARY: yes
YOU LIKE TO COOK: yes i love to
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: nope...abby knows everything
YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE: unfortunately
-----------------------------
DO YOU...?
HAVE A CRUSH: yeah
WANT TO GET MARRIED: yeah...but it wont happen
GET MOTION SICKNESS: nah
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: extremely
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: no
LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: i love em
-----------------------------
CURRENT
HAIR COLOR: red
EYE COLOR: dark brown
BIRTHPLACE: Rockford Il
-----------------------------
FAVORITE
NUMBER: 6
COLOR: red
DAY: wednesday
MONTH:July and June.....beautiful people are born in those months
SONG: Iris-GooGooDolls orCold- Crossfade
FOOD: chicken
SEASON: Spring
SPORT: track and basketball
DRINK:Mountain dew
-----------------------------
PREFERENCES:
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: Make out
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: hot
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: White
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: Vanilla
Name 5 things you like
1. loud concerts
2. Maurice
3. Hot topic
4. Staying after school
5. hugs
-----------------------------
Name 7 things you hate:
1.Myself
2. sweating
3. missing garrett
4. school food
5. sea food
6. people who wont talk to you because you want to date a black boy
7. people who hate you before they even get to know you
-----------------------------
Would you ever:
1. Eat a bug? no
2. Bungee jump? hell no
3. Hang glide? no
4. kill someone? i'd prolly kill myself first
5. Kiss someone of the same sex? nah
6. Have sex with someone of the same sex? Sorry I like the penis
7. Parachute from a plane? no
8. Walk on hot coals? no
9. Go out with someone for their looks? shut up
10. For their reputation? nope
11. Be a vegetarian? tried...failed
12. Wear plaid with stripes? no
13. IM a stranger? i do
14. Sing Karaoke? no
15. Get drunk off your ass? hahahahahahahaha...i plead the 5th
16. Shoplift? never again
17. Run a red light? no
18. Star in a porn video? nah
19. Dye your hair blue? definitely
20. Be on Survivor? no
21. Wear makeup in public? yes
22. Not wear makeup in public? not very often
23. Cheat on a test? yes...
24. Make someone cry? not intentionally
25. Date someone more than 10 years older than you? um no
26. Stay up all night? yea yea |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 11th, 2005|11:53 pm] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| |  God I love Him | ] |
LJ Friends Meme by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) coolerq• You must tell 8 people about this game.
• Maurice is the one that you love.
• Garrett is one you like but can't work out.
• You care most about Stephanie.
• Ashley is the one who knows you very well.
• Antwon is your lucky star.
• True is the song that matches with Maurice.
• 45 is the song for Garrett.
• every other time is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
• and Tiny Dancer is the song telling you how you feel about life
Take this quiz |
|
|
| for me please |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|03:48 pm] |
*~*If you read this, you must post a memory of me.
~*~It can be anything you want,
*~*Good or bad- just so long as it happened.
~*~Then post this to your journal.
*~*See what people remember about you.... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|11:13 am] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| | Is He The One I Want? | ] |
| [ | My Suicide Note Reads |
| | True-Ryan Cabrera | ] |
I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice, always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you my life, depending on you, wasting my time on you, thinking about you, following you, changing for you, forgiving you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, and most of all...for not hating you which I know I should..but I can't. ♥ |
|
|
| wow.... |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|10:11 pm] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| |  Hated | ] |
| [ | My Suicide Note Reads |
| | 45-Shinedown | ] |
obviously...i'm weak...its a fact...how do i know that.....well cory said so....and when is cory ever wrong...never right....god i''m a bitch....and he's mad because i didnt come right and say how i felt.............well ya know what...i'm sorry...i'm sorry for everything... i'm sorry i'm not awesome or pretty or funny...or a great enough person for you.......and i'm sorry for the way i feel......lately i'm just not good enough for anyone.....well....and you people wonder why i still cut afer like 4 or5 years |
|
|
| stoled from abby |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|07:02 pm] |
Ask four questions of me
Any four no matter how personal, private or random. I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all. In turn, you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked to you. |
|
|
| jesus help me |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|09:15 pm] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| | He doesnt know i exist | ] |
| [ | My Suicide Note Reads |
| | dont speak-No Doubt | ] |
She walks by him in the hallways, just passes by him as if his mere presence doesn't make her heart race. She pretends he's nothing to her, she pretends he doesn't matter, she pretends she's not in love.
But that's all it is. Pretend. And as she passes him, she's left with the image of him standing there, staring back at her, as if he was pretending, too.
♥♥It's not what you did, it's what you didn't do that made me cry
♥♥Nothing cuts a heart deeper than loving someone and them not even acknowledging your existance
♥♥There was a time you told me you loved me; I guess the feeling totally escaped you once you said it.
♥♥Your love is a poison for which there is no antidote, and sadly enough, I'm dying.
♥♥Your friends are the most important people in the world... when you heart is shattered, they pick up all the pieces and sew them together with their love, making your heart stronger than ever!
♥♥I don't cry anymore when I think of you because I don't think of how you hurt me... Instead I smile because I think of how happy you made me when you loved me.
♥♥I hope the next person you love loves you the way you loved me.
♥♥You told me you loved me, and I know you didn't lie; but the day you stopped loving me was the day I thought I had died; But I continue to grow stronger dispite what you've done; I refuse to give up or to show you that you've won.
dry your eyes with sandpaper
he never loved you anyways
i fought so hard to save you...
must confess .. ...
[it can feel good to feel pain]
like breaking waves
or getting caught in the rain.. .
Playing those games cause we had nothing to do.
I guess I was oblivious I was losing to you
♥♥♥ Meet the REAL me
&my misfits way of life
A dark black past is my
MOST VALUED possession
♥♥♥ I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of (sad)
The dreams in which I'm d y i n g
ARE THE BEST i'VE EVER HAD
♥♥♥ I have spent nights with matches&knives
leaning over ledges only two flights up
CUTTING MY HEART OUT; BURNING MY SOUL
Nothing left to hold
Nothing left but blood and fire.
If I never met you, I wouldn’t like you. If I never liked you, I wouldn’t love you. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t miss you. But I did, I do, and I will. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2005|05:47 pm] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| | Look what you've done | ] |
Love is the SLOWEST form of SUICIDE. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2005|09:27 pm] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| | How could you do this | ] |
I tried to take the pain away by finding someone new, but then I realized no one compared to you and even if I look around pretending not to cry, I'll always go back to the day you said goodbye.
You know i used to spend every day thinking about you and dreaming about you, and everytime you walked by i lost myself, do you know what that feels like? And you couldnt possibly know what it feels like to have that person not have the same feelings back. Look, i'm sorry if you miss the way i looked at you, but i dont miss the way you never looked at me
Me? Im scared of everything. Im scared of what I saw, Im scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all Im scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when Im with you
Sometiems you think you've gotten over him, but when you see his smile, you sudeenly realize you're just pretending you got over him to ease the pain of knowing he'll never be yours again.
And even though you lied, and even though you pretended to care...I can't seem to get you out of my mind...and even though it seems like I should be over you, with every tear that falls, it reminds me of how much I am still in love with you
As a single tear falls from her cheek, she looks to him for comfort, and all he can do is look away
Have you ever hated somebody so much that you wish they would just leave and never come back? But yet you loved them so much you knew you'd die if they did
As you walk away I see the fire in your eyes and I can hear the laughter in your voice, as you watch my heart break. And I'm frozen. I can't find the words to tell you that I hate you. I can't tell you how I wish you would just leave my life forever. And I can't tell you how much I hope she hurts you. So instead I tell you I love you. Hoping that the fire in your eyes dies down, and the laughter in your voice becomes tears in your eyes, and you turn around and unbreak my heart. Only to realize that wishes often don't come true, and hearts are more often then not, broken. And I stand there and watch you walk away
I have always loved you, even when you lied. I have always needed you, even when I cried
I'll never regret one single thing we did together because what we had was special. Maybe if we were ten years older it would have worked out differently. Maybe, I think, it's just that I'm not ready for forever
If I could have known then what I do right now, I wouldn't have told you how much I love you
You didn't intentionally break my heart you even said you were sorry but I cried anyway. I know the truth that you're too scared to admit, you're with her, but when you look at me, you can't remember her name
It's times like this that I dread when there's everything to say, and nothing left to be said
I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself for finding all the good in you, giving you all I could ever give and loving you more than you'll ever know
You were my lesson I had to learn
and as i stand here looking at you, i wonder if there will ever be a day when i will get over your smile, when i will let go of the hugs you gave me, that i continue to feel. a day when i`ll forget the words you said to me, forget what you meant to me, or forget how much i loved you, but no matter what you did to me, whatever happens to us. i know, i could never get over, let go, or forget you. |
|
|
| I need you so bad |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|10:23 am] |
| [ | You Make Me Feel |
| |  I need him | ] |
| [ | My Suicide Note Reads |
| | don't wanna think about you-Simple plan | ] |
When I looked in your eyes, I knew it was true, My heart never lies, I was in Love with you. As you stood there, just looking around, My whole body melted, into the ground. I remember the day, I remember the time, I remember the place, still on my mind. You looked so good in your shirt & jeans, I remember that night, you were in my dreams. I wish I could be with you, day after day, Because I love you More than words could ever say
we look at each other wondering
what the other is thinking
but we never say a thing because
we aren't the same anymore
being just friends is harder than we thought
but lets keep trying
I'm not giving up on you
I'm not giving up on us
ive been going half crazy for your love
and i wus told that the sex wus better than drugs
Give me two days, two days of the rest of
your life to give you something. To give you a
chance you would have never taken otherwise.
A chance to be happy,for now or forever...
it's your choice in the end. Take a chance, a chance
on me. I'm not asking you for forever,
I'm asking you for now..
I've said what I needed to say, I've done what I
needed to do, now whatever happens to us, I
guess I`ll leave it up to you.
** I'd trade a million pretty words for one touch that is r.e.a.l **
You can say I'm crazy - Yes it's true - I'm crazy about one thing - And that's you
Maybe its the way you say my name.
Or how i get butterflies just when i hear your name.
Or when everytime we talk, i get a smile on my face.
Or the way you make me laugh, when nothings even funny
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
