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Scream At Me Until My Heart Bleeds </3 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
♥Manda ♥

[ website | Razorblade Kisses From Venomous Lips ]
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swiped from abby [Feb. 17th, 2005|01:32 pm]
♥Manda ♥
I AM: Amanda Marie Meredith Crabb
I HAVE: abby and ashley
I WISH: i could have Maurice be mine
I HATE: That i still miss Garrett
I FEAR: Myself
I HEAR: Evanescence
I SEARCH: love
I WONDER:why i love him so much
I REGRET: Loving Garrett
I LOVE: Abby AND Ashley

I ACHE: in my knees
I ALWAYS: think about him
I AM NOT: as innocent as you think i am
I DANCE: when i think you're not looking
I SING: constantly
I CRY: too much over the wrong person
I AM NOT ALWAYS: happy
I WRITE: poetry about losing him
I WIN: nothing
I LOSE: myself in him
I CONFUSE: everyone including myself
I NEED: Daniels formerly good advice, garrett's hugs...m*&#@e's kisses
I SHOULD: try to be more optimistic
-----------------------------

YES or NO:
YOU KEEP A DIARY: yes
YOU LIKE TO COOK: yes i love to
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: nope...abby knows everything
YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE: unfortunately

-----------------------------

DO YOU...?
HAVE A CRUSH: yeah
WANT TO GET MARRIED: yeah...but it wont happen
GET MOTION SICKNESS: nah
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: extremely
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: no
LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: i love em
-----------------------------

CURRENT
HAIR COLOR: red
EYE COLOR: dark brown
BIRTHPLACE: Rockford Il
-----------------------------

FAVORITE
NUMBER: 6
COLOR: red
DAY: wednesday
MONTH:July and June.....beautiful people are born in those months
SONG: Iris-GooGooDolls orCold- Crossfade
FOOD: chicken
SEASON: Spring
SPORT: track and basketball
DRINK:Mountain dew
-----------------------------
PREFERENCES:
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: Make out
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: hot
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: White
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: Vanilla


Name 5 things you like
1. loud concerts
2. Maurice
3. Hot topic
4. Staying after school
5. hugs
-----------------------------

Name 7 things you hate:
1.Myself
2. sweating
3. missing garrett
4. school food
5. sea food
6. people who wont talk to you because you want to date a black boy
7. people who hate you before they even get to know you
-----------------------------

Would you ever:
1. Eat a bug? no
2. Bungee jump? hell no
3. Hang glide? no
4. kill someone? i'd prolly kill myself first
5. Kiss someone of the same sex? nah
6. Have sex with someone of the same sex? Sorry I like the penis
7. Parachute from a plane? no
8. Walk on hot coals? no
9. Go out with someone for their looks? shut up
10. For their reputation? nope
11. Be a vegetarian? tried...failed
12. Wear plaid with stripes? no
13. IM a stranger? i do
14. Sing Karaoke? no
15. Get drunk off your ass? hahahahahahahaha...i plead the 5th
16. Shoplift? never again
17. Run a red light? no
18. Star in a porn video? nah
19. Dye your hair blue? definitely
20. Be on Survivor? no
21. Wear makeup in public? yes
22. Not wear makeup in public? not very often
23. Cheat on a test? yes...
24. Make someone cry? not intentionally
25. Date someone more than 10 years older than you? um no
26. Stay up all night? yea yea
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(no subject) [Feb. 11th, 2005|11:53 pm]
♥Manda ♥
[You Make Me Feel |ecstaticGod I love Him]

LJ Friends Meme by coolerq

• You must tell 8 people about this game.
Maurice is the one that you love.
Garrett is one you like but can't work out.
• You care most about Stephanie.
Ashley is the one who knows you very well.
Antwon is your lucky star.
True is the song that matches with Maurice.
45 is the song for Garrett.
every other time is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
• and Tiny Dancer is the song telling you how you feel about life
Take this quiz
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for me please [Feb. 10th, 2005|03:48 pm]
♥Manda ♥
*~*If you read this, you must post a memory of me.

~*~It can be anything you want,

*~*Good or bad- just so long as it happened.

~*~Then post this to your journal.

*~*See what people remember about you....
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(no subject) [Feb. 10th, 2005|11:13 am]
♥Manda ♥
[You Make Me Feel |confusedIs He The One I Want?]
[My Suicide Note Reads |True-Ryan Cabrera]

I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice, always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you my life, depending on you, wasting my time on you, thinking about you, following you, changing for you, forgiving you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, and most of all...for not hating you which I know I should..but I can't. ♥
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wow.... [Feb. 9th, 2005|10:11 pm]
♥Manda ♥
[You Make Me Feel |crushedHated]
[My Suicide Note Reads |45-Shinedown]

obviously...i'm weak...its a fact...how do i know that.....well cory said so....and when is cory ever wrong...never right....god i''m a bitch....and he's mad because i didnt come right and say how i felt.............well ya know what...i'm sorry...i'm sorry for everything... i'm sorry i'm not awesome or pretty or funny...or a great enough person for you.......and i'm sorry for the way i feel......lately i'm just not good enough for anyone.....well....and you people wonder why i still cut afer like 4 or5 years
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stoled from abby [Feb. 9th, 2005|07:02 pm]
♥Manda ♥
Ask four questions of me

Any four no matter how personal, private or random. I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all. In turn, you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked to you.
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jesus help me [Feb. 2nd, 2005|09:15 pm]
♥Manda ♥
[You Make Me Feel |crushedHe doesnt know i exist]
[My Suicide Note Reads |dont speak-No Doubt]

She walks by him in the hallways, just passes by him as if his mere presence doesn't make her heart race. She pretends he's nothing to her, she pretends he doesn't matter, she pretends she's not in love.

But that's all it is. Pretend. And as she passes him, she's left with the image of him standing there, staring back at her, as if he was pretending, too.

♥♥It's not what you did, it's what you didn't do that made me cry

♥♥Nothing cuts a heart deeper than loving someone and them not even acknowledging your existance

♥♥There was a time you told me you loved me; I guess the feeling totally escaped you once you said it.

♥♥Your love is a poison for which there is no antidote, and sadly enough, I'm dying.

♥♥Your friends are the most important people in the world... when you heart is shattered, they pick up all the pieces and sew them together with their love, making your heart stronger than ever!

♥♥I don't cry anymore when I think of you because I don't think of how you hurt me... Instead I smile because I think of how happy you made me when you loved me.

♥♥I hope the next person you love loves you the way you loved me.


♥♥You told me you loved me, and I know you didn't lie; but the day you stopped loving me was the day I thought I had died; But I continue to grow stronger dispite what you've done; I refuse to give up or to show you that you've won.

dry your eyes with sandpaper
he never loved you anyways


i fought so hard to save you...
must confess .. ...
[it can feel good to feel pain]
like breaking waves
or getting caught in the rain.. .
Playing those games cause we had nothing to do.
I guess I was oblivious I was losing to you

♥♥♥ Meet the REAL me
&my misfits way of life
A dark black past is my
MOST VALUED possession

♥♥♥ I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of (sad)
The dreams in which I'm d y i n g
ARE THE BEST i'VE EVER HAD

♥♥♥ I have spent nights with matches&knives
leaning over ledges only two flights up
CUTTING MY HEART OUT; BURNING MY SOUL
Nothing left to hold
Nothing left but blood and fire.

If I never met you, I wouldn’t like you. If I never liked you, I wouldn’t love you. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.
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(no subject) [Feb. 1st, 2005|05:47 pm]
♥Manda ♥
[You Make Me Feel |crushedLook what you've done]

Love is the SLOWEST form of SUICIDE.
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(no subject) [Jan. 31st, 2005|09:27 pm]
♥Manda ♥
[You Make Me Feel |crushedHow could you do this]

I tried to take the pain away by finding someone new, but then I realized no one compared to you and even if I look around pretending not to cry, I'll always go back to the day you said goodbye.

You know i used to spend every day thinking about you and dreaming about you, and everytime you walked by i lost myself, do you know what that feels like? And you couldnt possibly know what it feels like to have that person not have the same feelings back. Look, i'm sorry if you miss the way i looked at you, but i dont miss the way you never looked at me

Me? Im scared of everything. Im scared of what I saw, Im scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all Im scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when Im with you

Sometiems you think you've gotten over him, but when you see his smile, you sudeenly realize you're just pretending you got over him to ease the pain of knowing he'll never be yours again.

And even though you lied, and even though you pretended to care...I can't seem to get you out of my mind...and even though it seems like I should be over you, with every tear that falls, it reminds me of how much I am still in love with you

As a single tear falls from her cheek, she looks to him for comfort, and all he can do is look away

Have you ever hated somebody so much that you wish they would just leave and never come back? But yet you loved them so much you knew you'd die if they did

As you walk away I see the fire in your eyes and I can hear the laughter in your voice, as you watch my heart break. And I'm frozen. I can't find the words to tell you that I hate you. I can't tell you how I wish you would just leave my life forever. And I can't tell you how much I hope she hurts you. So instead I tell you I love you. Hoping that the fire in your eyes dies down, and the laughter in your voice becomes tears in your eyes, and you turn around and unbreak my heart. Only to realize that wishes often don't come true, and hearts are more often then not, broken. And I stand there and watch you walk away

I have always loved you, even when you lied. I have always needed you, even when I cried

I'll never regret one single thing we did together because what we had was special. Maybe if we were ten years older it would have worked out differently. Maybe, I think, it's just that I'm not ready for forever
If I could have known then what I do right now, I wouldn't have told you how much I love you

You didn't intentionally break my heart you even said you were sorry but I cried anyway. I know the truth that you're too scared to admit, you're with her, but when you look at me, you can't remember her name

It's times like this that I dread when there's everything to say, and nothing left to be said

I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself for finding all the good in you, giving you all I could ever give and loving you more than you'll ever know

You were my lesson I had to learn

and as i stand here looking at you, i wonder if there will ever be a day when i will get over your smile, when i will let go of the hugs you gave me, that i continue to feel. a day when i`ll forget the words you said to me, forget what you meant to me, or forget how much i loved you, but no matter what you did to me, whatever happens to us. i know, i could never get over, let go, or forget you.
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I need you so bad [Jan. 30th, 2005|10:23 am]
♥Manda ♥
[You Make Me Feel |worriedI need him]
[My Suicide Note Reads |don't wanna think about you-Simple plan]

When I looked in your eyes, I knew it was true, My heart never lies, I was in Love with you. As you stood there, just looking around, My whole body melted, into the ground. I remember the day, I remember the time, I remember the place, still on my mind. You looked so good in your shirt & jeans, I remember that night, you were in my dreams. I wish I could be with you, day after day, Because I love you More than words could ever say


we look at each other wondering
what the other is thinking
but we never say a thing because
we aren't the same anymore
being just friends is harder than we thought
but lets keep trying
I'm not giving up on you
I'm not giving up on us

ive been going half crazy for your love
and i wus told that the sex wus better than drugs
Give me two days, two days of the rest of
your life to give you something. To give you a
chance you would have never taken otherwise.
A chance to be happy,for now or forever...
it's your choice in the end. Take a chance, a chance
on me. I'm not asking you for forever,
I'm asking you for now..

I've said what I needed to say, I've done what I
needed to do, now whatever happens to us, I
guess I`ll leave it up to you.

** I'd trade a million pretty words for one touch that is r.e.a.l **

You can say I'm crazy - Yes it's true - I'm crazy about one thing - And that's you
Maybe its the way you say my name.
Or how i get butterflies just when i hear your name.
Or when everytime we talk, i get a smile on my face.
Or the way you make me laugh, when nothings even funny
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
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